x . w i n g s . x

a bird with no wings

lines fade to grey as
your voice shakes the sky
the walls close in, but
the world is in your eyes

fight to hold back tears as
words contract, expand
on my flinching tongue - it hurts
but you wouldn't understand

stars fall like snow as
I blink once, twice.
suffocating in your apathetic gaze
my heart slowly turns to ice

-----

coughemocough.
Sigh... maybe I'll elaborate later.

<< b r e a k i n g p o i n t >>

I met this old lady today.
She reminded me of somebody I know.

We went to a restaurant today with some family friends, and it was kinda a weird restaurant because waiters bring plates of food around and ask you if you want any. When I told the old lady who brought us to the restaurant that I was a vegetarian, she pretty much got every single vegetable plate on the menu, thinking she was helping. Even when I told her I was full, I couldn't eat anymore, or I didn't even like that dish (and I wasn't lying). She just kept, on, ordering! Maybe she was deaf. When things came, she put like half of each dish on my plate. Trying to be "nice", I managed to swallow it all down, even as my stomach begged me to stop.

By the end, my stomach reached it's bursting point, and I couldn't take anymore.

My message: when someone tells you "no" 5 times in a row, they usually mean it. Which means that you, being a kind and virtuous person, should take it, and STOP!

If my psychic-ness is right, I'm going to get a reply like "Gasp, Tina FULL? No way!"

double-edged sword

At some point, we are all crushed by statistics that weigh against us.

But what can we do? All dreams are subject to reality.

These little numbers, they can drain your hope like no other. They crawl into your mind and leave room for nothing else. Whether it's a question of "This operation has a 5% survival rate?", or "The 72% on the test is all I'm worth? The C- is all that defines me?", I hope someday people learn to look beyond the numbers. Forgive a little bit of quantity - instead, look at the quality. I'm sure we'd all rather have one great friend than just five friends. Or really succeed in doing one thing instead of being a bit above average on everything.

I guess most of the question is keeping faith.
When these rock hard facts shower down on us, our hope can be a shield more solid than diamonds.

"The best of us can find happiness in misery", to quote Fall-Out Boy.

School, by 13thousand


PS) I have no idea what the point of this entire post was. I just felt like blogging since nobody else is (HINTHINTWINKWINK).

a p o l o g i z e

It may seem like I'm ignoring you guys lately.
Constantly turning things down, being ever-busy...

I'm re(eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)ally sorry, but trust me I'd much rather be hanging out with you than being like this!
I wouldn't do it unless there was no better way.

On a happier note, hopefully it'll all be over soon and life will be back to normal. (Or as normal as it ever was.)

Please bear with me!!

Speaking of bears... this will have to do for now!
Bear Hug by elultimodeseo (on DeviantArt, as always)

ONE GREAT BIG GIANT BEAR HUG TO YOU ALL! :D

Ghost of my past

/ maybe you were all faster than me / we gave each other up so easily / these silly little wounds will never mend / I feel so far from where I've been / So I go / And I will not be back here again / I'm gone as the day is fading / on white houses / I lied, wrote my injuries all in the dust / In my heart it's the five of us /
~White Houses, Vanessa Carlton

Where have I BEEN all these years?

I built my own little sandcastle on the shore of the ocean of life, and then, WHAM.
A tsunami comes and tears it all down.

Years ago, I started burrowing, believing that if I got down deep enough, I'd be able to escape cruel reality.
But the cold, abrasive waters of life still come crashing through,
and now I can't breathe.

Once underwater, I start to remember.

does the air still taste like crisp leaves and dumplings?
is that Little Mermaid doll still sitting on your desk?
have you tossed that ball around lately?
are you still looking for that stamp I stole?
would you still understand?

I start to choke on the memories, burning in my throat.

It's sad how strangers become friends, then yet again become strangers, all going our separate ways in life. Maybe in the haystack of life our pieces of straw may only brush once.
All that's left are imprints; sweet, sweet imprints.

It's like the feeling when you've finished the last m&m in the bag:

Empty.