~ remembering how to breathe ~

/ waking up at the start of the end of the world / but it's feeling just like every other morning before / now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone / I believe the world is burning to the ground / oh well I guess we're gonna find out / let's see how far we've come /

These past three internet-less days have been eye-opening. I can't say it enough times: "you don't know what you've got till it's gone!"

At first, I just kind of rotted. If I wanted to go somewhere for the day, I couldn't check the weather. If I wanted to bake something, I couldn't look a recipe up. If I had a song stuck in my head, I couldn't listen to it on Youtube. If I wanted pizza, I couldn't order online, or even look up domino's phone number. If I wanted to go to the library, I couldn't find the opening and closing times. Whenever I found something to do, I came to a roadblock.

Just then I realized how much time we spend on the computer, or in front of a screen. When I just moved here, my first observation was that the streets were lonely. Back east, the parks and sidewalks would be swarming with kids running, rollerblading, biking, scootering, skateboarding, you name it. Here, it's just emptiness. A car drives past. If you're lucky, a person might walk their dog by you. But meanwhile, they would be tapping away in front of their iTouches, or clicking buttons on their cell phones.

After the grim realization sank in, I reconnected with things I haven't seriously done in a long time. I laid in bed and read heaps of National Geographics. I sat in my backyard and painted a picture. I talked to friends face to face instead of over AIM, Facebook, or Gmail. It was almost... peaceful. Without a trillion things to do, we lose the need to rush. And when we don't rush, we start to actually breathe.

Although my internet's back (obviouslyyy), I'm determined not to let my lesson go to waste. Appreciate the internet for everything it lets us do, but don't use it as a substitute for really living life.

Zen by Liek

~ s p e e d b u m p ~

Spring show
I was last, so there weren't as many guard people watching. I improvised my whole dance part, but I caught all my umbrella tosses! Even though one was a really awkward catch. It was a four. It was very informal, nobody really cared, and it zoomed by - before I knew it, we were done!

Amnesty
application: I stayed up forever making it and I was very pleased with the outcome. If I thought I had a chance getting publicity, I would've made it a lot more creative, but the main role I was trying out for was secretary - so it had to be impeccably neat!
interview: I think I did great, I was articulate and he added some pretty flattering flattery, although I'm not sure whether it was just to make me feel better or because he really meant it.

Mock Trial
I didn't really understand the system and the rules of what to/not to do, so I obviously broke a lot of them. I'm not being overcritical, but after an unbiased analysis of all the actions and words they said combined with my new knowledge, I can conclude that I did - to put it bluntly - mortifyingly bad. On the bright side, now I know what exactly not to do, come September. It was definitely worth the experience.

I'm slowly but steadily driving along the final stretch before summer. Unfortunately, it's a bumpy road, some bumps being more painful than others. But the point is I'm getting through them.

a p o c a l y p s e

IT'S HELL WEEK! This is mainly so I don't forget myself.

Monday

Amnesty board application due
Geo Ch. 11 Test
Spring show

Tuesday
Amnesty board interview? (Today or tomorrow)

Wednesday
Amnesty board interview? (Yesterday or today)
Mock trial tryouts

Thursday
Flute auditions (most likely today)
Scale finals on oboe

Friday
art class
study till I drop

Saturday
SSATs
IYCA concert

Sunday
study till I drop

Week after
Finals!!!

Week after the week after
SUMMER!!!!!!!!!!



LETS HOPE I MAKE IT THROUGH ALIVE!

static on channel n i n e

Too bruised to function. No, not physically. Although I almost wish I were so I could take 'Spring Show' off my list of things to stress over.
Been blasting "Into the Storm" by Robert W. Smith on loop.
Hungry, but I refuse to eat dinner with you morons. ( Quite obviously, I'm going to take that back later. )
I need sleep, but there's too much work to be done.

If only I took my own advice.

Don't ask if I'm okay because you know the answer.
Don't reply with your encouraging and optimistic comments because I know what you're going to say. Because I've been telling the same things to myself, but not wanting to believe it. Because all it comes down to is that I'm being lazy & lack the guts to do what I want to. I'm caving in to my desire for no desires.

End result: I rot. The end.



top: down in a hole by matmoon
bottom: Going down? by p0rg

p.s.) My TV actually has no channels at all - not even channel 1.

t h a w

The confusion, laziness, and incompetence of the last few days is coming back as biting failure... and it hurts.
And if you're pessimistic, you may see this as an end... but I try not to be. So in fact, it's really a beginning. A wake up call.

I'm going to work really hard again - it's not easy to forget that insane motivation I felt back in March and April. No more pity, no more regret... and maybe, just maybe, I'll make it through the last stretch to summer alive!


Just the beggining by Photosnap

f r o z e n

I'm suspended somewhere between excitement for Human Rights Week and dread for the French Oral Final, History Project Presentation, pep rally, and Spring Show.

These few days have been strange. I've been sleeping without my homework done (and getting up early to finish) because I simply can't concentrate! Catching my train of thought is like catching minnows with your fingers. It's nearly impossible! My brain is slippery. Now that's a pleasant image. You can probably hear the static going through my head, since all my thoughts are uncollected and completely raw. No additives, no preservatives, no high fructose corn syrup. This is it... wait, what is it? Ahhh. Point proven.

Anyways, I'm probably putting a pimple on the face of this blog I've worked hard to keep up with... but I just felt... stuck. Maybe after all this is over... maybe life can return to normal. Or as normal as it ever was.

A burst of color by Jenya88

break from r o u t i n e

/ happiness /
My heart feels so warm
Like sunlight touching my skin
In the cold winter

Today has been an inspiring day.

I spent my morning experimenting with watercolor, and ended up with an anti-war picture.

I went to orchestra and we played songs that I actually like. Albert's solo (in Salut D'Amour) makes me heart-wrenchingly happy. During the rests, I just look up to see him possessed by the music, growing and swelling inside of him.

Afterwards, I came home and finished watching Gandhi. It is a great film, Gandhi is an amazing man - sometimes too amazing to fathom. I hope someday I amount to 1/59492456 of what he was.

Then, since time is on my side for once, I took a nap, and then awoke to the prodding of the usual Castle Park crew. (Minus Jeri... come next time please?) We went to "The-park-behind-my-house", and that brought back another wave of memories that make me smile.

When I came home, my parents were watching Amadeus - a film about Mozart. I've played his pieces more times than I can count and never once have I known anything about his life. It's inspiring to connect what I'm playing to events in his life, to know that the notes that I play mean something special to someone.

Then I come back to the computer, and read, for once, happy blog posts. That's saying a lot!

I can't help but feel excited for the future. A final stretch before summer in which I have to keep my grades up, then summer, and then sophomore year! (And then bsapps... :] ) I made my schedule for next year last week - I had to fight with Mr. Emery to let him let me take all my classes! xD
Honors English, Honors History, H Algebra 2, H Integrated Science 2, French 2
Journalism & Howler/Creative Writing (depends if I get into Howler for the 2nd semester), Band, Speech and Debate, and Colorguard!

Smile by werol


Thank you world for letting me see another day on this Earth!
edit: *dies of cheesiness*