legos & barbies

In China, we stopped for drinks while biking in a farmland. The farmers' children were playing in the peanut-shell-and-coke-can filled river. But it seemed like they either didn't notice or didn't care, because they had a great time nonetheless. Other than children, who could do that?

When we were small, one hour felt like a vast stretch of time, but now weeks and months go by when we blink. I guess as we grow older there are more options; so many more things to do, and also so many more things we have to do. But yet, we squander time worrying about things nobody cared about when we were five or six, like where am I headed? why does this cost so much? why does she have a Gucci bag and I have a no-name-brand bag?

We become less tolerant of petty mistakes. If a five year old's white shirt turned pink in the washing machine, he might not even notice. And when real problems arise, children have the zeal to take it head on, devoid of fear or doubt or regret. They smile when something good happens, cry when something bad happens. No hidden meanings, no innuendo.

They are able to live in the moment and take every day to it's full value, measured in only one factor: fun. But that's what life is about, right? Having fun. Being happy. We lack that simplicity. Tangled in the never-ending loop of worry and work, we lose sight of what we live for.

Simplicity. by todo-el-mundo


What do you live for?

h e a r t a c h e

I

...............guess

..............................I watch

too

many......................

.......tragedies...

....................................that's

why.............

.............I can

never...........................................

.....................fall

..............................for

someone

....I

...................................................................can

.......................................be

with.

edit: It's only another phase (I think). Please don't remind me that this post ever happened. :')

~ remembering how to breathe ~

/ waking up at the start of the end of the world / but it's feeling just like every other morning before / now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone / I believe the world is burning to the ground / oh well I guess we're gonna find out / let's see how far we've come /

These past three internet-less days have been eye-opening. I can't say it enough times: "you don't know what you've got till it's gone!"

At first, I just kind of rotted. If I wanted to go somewhere for the day, I couldn't check the weather. If I wanted to bake something, I couldn't look a recipe up. If I had a song stuck in my head, I couldn't listen to it on Youtube. If I wanted pizza, I couldn't order online, or even look up domino's phone number. If I wanted to go to the library, I couldn't find the opening and closing times. Whenever I found something to do, I came to a roadblock.

Just then I realized how much time we spend on the computer, or in front of a screen. When I just moved here, my first observation was that the streets were lonely. Back east, the parks and sidewalks would be swarming with kids running, rollerblading, biking, scootering, skateboarding, you name it. Here, it's just emptiness. A car drives past. If you're lucky, a person might walk their dog by you. But meanwhile, they would be tapping away in front of their iTouches, or clicking buttons on their cell phones.

After the grim realization sank in, I reconnected with things I haven't seriously done in a long time. I laid in bed and read heaps of National Geographics. I sat in my backyard and painted a picture. I talked to friends face to face instead of over AIM, Facebook, or Gmail. It was almost... peaceful. Without a trillion things to do, we lose the need to rush. And when we don't rush, we start to actually breathe.

Although my internet's back (obviouslyyy), I'm determined not to let my lesson go to waste. Appreciate the internet for everything it lets us do, but don't use it as a substitute for really living life.

Zen by Liek

~ s p e e d b u m p ~

Spring show
I was last, so there weren't as many guard people watching. I improvised my whole dance part, but I caught all my umbrella tosses! Even though one was a really awkward catch. It was a four. It was very informal, nobody really cared, and it zoomed by - before I knew it, we were done!

Amnesty
application: I stayed up forever making it and I was very pleased with the outcome. If I thought I had a chance getting publicity, I would've made it a lot more creative, but the main role I was trying out for was secretary - so it had to be impeccably neat!
interview: I think I did great, I was articulate and he added some pretty flattering flattery, although I'm not sure whether it was just to make me feel better or because he really meant it.

Mock Trial
I didn't really understand the system and the rules of what to/not to do, so I obviously broke a lot of them. I'm not being overcritical, but after an unbiased analysis of all the actions and words they said combined with my new knowledge, I can conclude that I did - to put it bluntly - mortifyingly bad. On the bright side, now I know what exactly not to do, come September. It was definitely worth the experience.

I'm slowly but steadily driving along the final stretch before summer. Unfortunately, it's a bumpy road, some bumps being more painful than others. But the point is I'm getting through them.

a p o c a l y p s e

IT'S HELL WEEK! This is mainly so I don't forget myself.

Monday

Amnesty board application due
Geo Ch. 11 Test
Spring show

Tuesday
Amnesty board interview? (Today or tomorrow)

Wednesday
Amnesty board interview? (Yesterday or today)
Mock trial tryouts

Thursday
Flute auditions (most likely today)
Scale finals on oboe

Friday
art class
study till I drop

Saturday
SSATs
IYCA concert

Sunday
study till I drop

Week after
Finals!!!

Week after the week after
SUMMER!!!!!!!!!!



LETS HOPE I MAKE IT THROUGH ALIVE!

static on channel n i n e

Too bruised to function. No, not physically. Although I almost wish I were so I could take 'Spring Show' off my list of things to stress over.
Been blasting "Into the Storm" by Robert W. Smith on loop.
Hungry, but I refuse to eat dinner with you morons. ( Quite obviously, I'm going to take that back later. )
I need sleep, but there's too much work to be done.

If only I took my own advice.

Don't ask if I'm okay because you know the answer.
Don't reply with your encouraging and optimistic comments because I know what you're going to say. Because I've been telling the same things to myself, but not wanting to believe it. Because all it comes down to is that I'm being lazy & lack the guts to do what I want to. I'm caving in to my desire for no desires.

End result: I rot. The end.



top: down in a hole by matmoon
bottom: Going down? by p0rg

p.s.) My TV actually has no channels at all - not even channel 1.

t h a w

The confusion, laziness, and incompetence of the last few days is coming back as biting failure... and it hurts.
And if you're pessimistic, you may see this as an end... but I try not to be. So in fact, it's really a beginning. A wake up call.

I'm going to work really hard again - it's not easy to forget that insane motivation I felt back in March and April. No more pity, no more regret... and maybe, just maybe, I'll make it through the last stretch to summer alive!


Just the beggining by Photosnap