one last time, lets do it!

Unsure. Nervous.

This is the last time I will hold a flag and rifle and sabre, and perform.

Ever. Ever. Ever.

The weight of the situation is so heavy... it falls with a thud onto my heart and strikes rancid apprehension. Finality -- it cuts me to pieces.

It's so hard to fathom that this is real. That the practices and performances that once ruled my daily life are now things of the past. Something I'll look back on, smile on, cry on. It hurts. My mind is racing, my heartbeat won't stay still. How. How is this possible? It's not! Ohwait, yes it is. Is it?

I chose this. I chose this.

I chose to leave. It's what's best.

Like amputating a leg to stop a deadly infection. To save my sanity, I had to sacrifice something that I loved as dearly as my limb. The sleepless nights dragged on way to often. Time slipped through my fingers. I couldn't catch my breath - I didn't have time to, I was too busy running with five hundred different weights tied to my ankles. I have fallen. It's time to let one go, so I can stand back up.

It all changes now.